BMW X6 Hamann review (2008 onwards)

What – BMW X6 Hamann
Where – Laupheim, Germany
Price – £60,000
Available – October 2008
Key rivals – Porsche Cayenne GTS, Range Rover Sport, Mercedes M-Class AMG

We like - Incredible handling, dominant looks
We don't like - Rides like a bed of nails, bit flash for some tastes

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First impressions

A lowered SUV on fat road tyres would normally be the precursor to a whirlwind of abuse. After all it defeats the whole car's reason to be, an off-roader with a ground-hugging bodykit is suddenly about as fit for purpose as a drunk bus driver. But that's not true with the BMW X6. Like Porsche's Cayenne the closest it's liable to go to the rough stuff is a perfectly manicured gravel drive. So they can be pimped to a point that would make Westwood blush and tend to sell well to flashy Americans, Russians and the Middle East in tuned form. Step forward Hamann Motorsport, MSN's lunatic tuner in chief, to give us the first step on the X6's journey. And it's going to get madder.

A widebody kit is on the way, but for now Hamann has installed its own low slung front splitter with another set of LEDS, side skirts and a rear apron that, Heaven help us, sports a diffuser to suck it to the ground. That's a car that weighs more than two tonnes, sucked to the ground by air. Yeah, right. There's even a carbon-fibre bonnet to shave off a few grammes, which is like ordering a diet drink with a bucket of nuggets.But here's the rub, in the flesh it's actually a very cool car. Yes the plot is full of holes, the basic premise doesn't make sense and the characters don't work at all. But the Hamann X6 3.5d is still a compelling tale. Neon lights on the underside and a 1000 watt stereo system? Well it doesn't have them, but actually they'd suit it pretty well.

Performance

The big-money punters are waiting for the V8 petrol version that will have Cayenn-slaying capabilities, so this 3.5-litre diesel is just the warm-up act. And with just 320bhp it should feel a little weak, but then there is the 440lb/ft of torque to compensate for that - a fair bit more than the M5. And that means it will hit 62mph in 6.8s, a tenth faster than the standard car and it will now go 5kph faster than the standard car. That's a full 3mph, if you're interested, which not too many folks will be to be honest. But at least this sportscar in a fat suit can now claim a 150mph top end.

And it does it all with the kind of sneering ease that will thoroughly annoy other road users, the kind of sneering ease that put them in the position to buy the car in the first place. A rumble from deep within the bowels of this ocean going liner and the speedo flickering round with disturbing speed is joined by the mild clattering over rough roads. There's now wafting here: the Hamann X6 smashes the road into submission with all the subtlety of a happy slapping.

Ride and handling

The X6 looks bus big in the flesh, it's huge, it just has no right to dance through chicanes faster than a 550i - but it does. That's all down to the ZF developed Dynamic Performance Control rear axle, as well as chassis tuned to within an inch of its life, which shifts torque between the wheels better than almost any system on the market. It took gazillions of pounds to develop and helped a rhino land the triple lutz.Hamann has fitted its own 23" wheels, sports springs that drop the simpler suspension kit by 40mm, which is a lot, and rubber band Hankook sports tyres. It looks moodier and gives even more bite to a car that left those lucky enough to drive it in open-mouthed shock. This is all the advantage of an SUV, which is more or less limited to safety and that high driving position, combined with sportscar agility.But the low-speed ride is pretty scary. I would have felt more comfortable had I been naked in the middle of a packed Wembley Stadium. After driving Hamann's tuned SLR just a little while earlier I'd have sworn that was the big SUV and this was the high-strung sportscar, but at speed it all smoothes out. Low-speed handling was sacrificed in the name of high-speed agility long before Hamann got hold of the car, they just took it to the nth degree.

Interior

It's still a source of entertainment to look inside the X6 and find four seats, instead of the transit van load of space it's only natural to expect. And then there's the X5 dashboard, which Hamann has done its best to tart up with a smattering of silver carbon-fibre and drilled aluminium racing attitude. It's well appointed, clean and efficient, although the inside of the X6 isn't quite a match for the Cayenne that will probably be a speck in its rear view mirror. Even the seats aren't that comfortable, but again that is a BMW decision.

Economy and safety

Did the environmental bile rise in the back of your mouth at the thought of an X6? And a tuned one to add to the pure indignity...Well climb back off your soap box. This diesel does 34mpg and falls below the 225g/km benchmark at which point a car unofficially becomes a dirty tax target. Most of the uber-rich oligarchs who use their X6 as the daily runaround will probably opt for the bigger petrol engine that isn't so environmentally aware, but there is a clean option if they're that way inclined.And as for safety, it's a bus. If this car goes off the road it would be safer to be sat inside it than in a nearby nuclear bunker. It's almost impossible to crash the thing in the first place and if you do then even a wall shouldn't stop it.

MSN Cars Verdict: 3/5

The X6 should have been a ludicrous tuner car, but in its own special way it works a treat. Footballers and new money in the Middle East, America and Eastern Europe will love the Hamann X6.They will love its pompous posing, its sheer impact and the way everything gets out of its way. Normal folks will scoff as they go past, but then they have the money to buy it, we don't. A tuned soft roader with a ground-scraping splitter is a ridiculous concept, but the X6 was never even a soft roader. It's a sportscar with a high seating position and more attitude than a tattooed Chav and his pitbull. So it's the perfect tuner car, and it will sell in spades. Just not here.

Driven: BMW X6
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