We take the driving test!

Talk about putting your money where your mouth is: it's time to see if I can pass the driving test myself.Mock tests are a useful exercise for learners and the idea to do one came about in discussion with the PR man for driving school BSM.And it sounded like fun. But sitting here beside BSM instructor Gary Lamb the knot in my stomach takes me back 15 years to my first driving test. I passed that time. Can I do it again? Well, there's the decade and a half of driving experience under my belt. But that's a lot of time to amass bad habits too.

Gallery: Learning to drive

It doesn't get off to a great start... I haven't got the paper part of my licence, which in the real test would mean an instant fail. Oops. And when it comes to the eyesight test I just about scrape through - you need to be able to read a new-style numberplate from 20 metres away.I just about manage it but Gary recommends I get another sight test asap. Two potential failure points and I haven't even got in the car yet! By the time I get behind the wheel of the bright orange BSM Vauxhall Astra I feel like I've stepped back in time and the nerves are really kicking in.Obviously I can drive. But can I remember all the little procedures needed to pass the test? After much mirror checking and neck craning I get under way, hoping I've done everything in the right order. Normally confident at the wheel I find myself back in the hesitant, wheel shuffling learner mode I thought was long gone.

…and we're off…

Taking the test on the busy roads around Regents Park in central London adds extra pressure too. There's the usual bother of congestion and aggressive fellow drivers. But I also have to fight the instinct to utilise my hard-earned London driving skills, few of which are, shall we say, compatible with passing the driving test. As we trundle around the posh streets of St Johns Wood Gary maintains his poker face, issuing his commands in a slow deliberate voice and watching my every move. And my nerves grow with every passing minute. Was I too close to the car in front? Should I have put my handbrake on then? The manoeuvres don't hold the same fear as they once did but I'm conscious casual over-confidence might be my downfall here. The routine of stopping, putting the handbrake on, waggling the gearstick and looking about before every move feels comedically exaggerated and a million miles from the 'real world' driving I'm used to.

The moment of truth, pass or fail?

My reverse park is slick though, ditto my turn in the road. And then Gary unexpectedly asks me to pull over and then drive off again. Uh-oh, what's he looking for there? I'm guessing he's checking for observation and planning but this one throws me a bit. Did I miss something? I'll find out soon - we're back at the test centre. I pull over, turn the engine off and turn towards Gary. And in true X-Factor style he looks me in the eye and lets the tension build for what seems like an age before he delivers his verdict: fail.Fail?! I desperately replay the last 30 minutes in my head. Where did I go wrong? Well, my obsession with sticking to 30mph appears to have been my downfall and I should have spent less time looking at the speedo and more at the signs, having sailed through a 20 zone without noticing.

Where did it go wrong?

It's a basic error, and one I really shouldn't have made. But it seems that's not all - my observation on my apparently perfect parallel park was a glance over the shoulder away from being satisfactory. A classic bad habit exposed - mirrors alone are not enough! I keep a brave face but I'm quietly gutted. Gary runs me through some of my minor errors too and they're what you would expect of an over-confident driver schooled on busy London roads - namely pulling up too close to the car in front and approaching potential obstacles too fast. I also get a minor for coasting up to junctions. Then there's that unexpected pulling over to the side of the road. The test has evolved over the years to test initiative as well as the ability to learn the official manoeuvres and Gary was looking for my ability to read the road and pull over without stopping illegally or blocking a driveway.Few of us will ever have the need to sit the test again but it's been a fascinating and rewarding experience for me. I'm left pondering who's going to get the biggest laugh out of the outcome too - my fellow hacks, my friends or my 17-year-old sister, currently learning to drive herself. Time to come clean...

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